Monday, July 26, 2010

Anatomy of A Milk Box

First, I have my electrical power back. I was never so happy to turn the corner this evening and see the stop lights working and, even more exciting: my front light on. (Not my porch light, as I have no porch, though someone out there refuses to believe me.)

Now that my power is back and I've finished the happy dance, I took a pic of the card I made just before the lights went out yesterday. Just now, as I was getting ready to post it, I found a slew of other photos I'd taken late Saturday that involved a box of soy milk. I thought several of the characteristics of this box of milk were worth documenting, and then I got carried away and photographed the whole thing.

So tonight, instead of a card, I bring you: The Anatomy of A Milk Box. Commentary by moi, because it's my blog.

Before I go any further, I must tell you I was a Business major in college. More specifically: a Marketing major. I learned more than I ever cared to know about marketing and crowd psychology and how to shop in a grocery store. Let me just say: I am very glad I am not responsible for the packaging of a product in today's litigious climate.

Let us begin:

This is a box of Silk* brand Chocolate-flavored soy milk:

Looks innocent enough, right? Ahhh, but darn it! *I* got hold of one. Let's look a little closer:

Oh, it's Vitamin fortified** -->

... and Calcium enriched** -->

And we have instructions:

1. Shake well & buy often. I love that!
2. Serve chilled. Is there any other way to drink chocolate milk?!
3. Lactose-Free. This is good for peeps like me whose tummy doesn't tolerate cow's milk any more, no matter how much of that lactate/lactrace/whatever pills we pop.
4. It's quality sealed, too!

Oh, some more instructions:

THIS is the one that floored me: Not to be used as infant formula. WHAT?! Who would think that they COULD?! Dear Heavens-to-Betsy! Seriously?

And for all you anti-genetically-engineered folks:

Here is my second "huh?" - the straw:

Do you see that it's shorter than the box? Do you believe there is a false bottom inside this box so the straw fits to the REAL bottom? Nope. The straw is actually shorter than the box. I know this because this is the second one of these I've consumed, and it was a real fight to get that last 1/2" of milk out of there. We'll come back to this topic momentarily.

Moving on, we have expiration information:

... and, of course, a "refrigerate after opening" instruction. Like DUH!

I really like this commentary:

heh heh "You still have to pay for it ..." Very clever!

Let's look at those numbers:

Whoa - there's some good stuff in there!

And here's the really important numbers:

I remember packaging before we were required to have all this blah blah blah, and none of us died.

More deets:

Guar gum, huh? Is that really a natural product? I'm going to have to check on that.

And not to be left out, the bottom:

I didn't want it to be lonely.

Back to that straw. As I pondered WHY in TARNATION they would give you a straw that was shorter than the box, I happened to pull on the darn thing, and guess what - it's a telescoping straw! -->

Those Silk people thought of everything!!!! When I ripped off the protective Quality Seal and punctured the inner protective seal (can't be too careful, you know), then inserted the telescoped straw, it went ... all the way to the bottom of the box! GASP!

Okay, so I need to get a life, but seriously, all that writing on one tiny 8-oz box of milk?! Who sued who(m) to make it all necessary? But I must say, I got every last drop of that soy goodness. And now I know to telescope the straw. You only need to show me once.

I'll be back tomorrow with a card. Really! Promise!

Thanks for stopping by!

* Silk (r) in no way has endorsed this commentary. They don't even know me. They didn't pay me and they didn't provide me with any product. However, if some free (or reduced-price) boxes of chocolate Silk were to come my way, I wouldn't complain. Just sayin'.

**I think that should be: Vitamin-fortified (with a hyphen) and Calcium-enriched (again, with a hyphen), but I am one of the Little People, so who cares.


  1. I love Silk soy milk. I've never tried the chocolate, though. I looked up guar gum for you on Wikipedia: "Guar gum, also called guaran, is a galactomannan. It is primarily the ground endosperm of guar beans. The guar seeds are dehusked, milled and screened to obtain the guar gum. It is typically produced as a free flowing, pale, off-white colored, coarse to fine ground powder." Is natural, apparently.

  2. Wow. And I worry that I never have anything to blog about. HAHAHA!

  3. You made me spew Silk
    out of my nose !

  4. i drink the silk vanilla soy and i will have to do a little investigating now that you've pointed out all this funny information! :)

  5. Ya, ya, but how does it taste? ;-)

  6. Woaw I love this, you got so carried away with this carton. It's like when I studied for my exams, I had to describe why an advert worked. Oh joy! I chose an advert for a funeral directors, he he he! so much fun but I passed:) They're clever these advertising guys and gals. So I totally know where you're coming from, Thanks for the laughs:)x

  7. As an obsessive label reader, I totally appreciate your post. After all that reading, one might forget the original intent to drink the milk. As for me, I probably would have read the label AFTER I drank the milk. Thanks for the chuckle!


I'd love to hear what you really think! :-)

PS: I've had to disable Anonymous comments, because the spammers were killing me. If you are unable to comment, please email me your comment and I'll get it posted for you. Sorry. (stoopid spammers)